Her dad began to ask her the moment she walked in where she was, what had taken her so long, and why she was not able to make it home for dinner.
"I had to walk home because my car broke down and you wouldn't pick up," she remarked. He yelled at her for being so irresponsible, and she yelled back. Things got heated enough for her dad to make his ultimatum.
"That's it, you're out of here, pack your stuff and get out!" he yelled. Samantha ran up the stairs crying and did was he asked. She was now on her own.
She had no friends, no money, no car, where was she going to go? She eventually made her way to the forest, really - it looked more like a jungle, and there were a lot of horror stories and tales based off this jungle.
The sun already had begun to set so she she up camp. She was going to think about everything in the morning; maybe she would go back and apologize, maybe she would start anew on her own. That was all for tomorrow.
Suddenly, she heard movement, and the calm birds around her flew away as if it were life or death. Branches broke near her and she heard breathing.
There it was: the biggest bear she had seen, and it looked like it, unlike her, was going to have dinner.
--- Author's note ---
This story is based on an excerpt from Rama's adventures and only encompasses a portion of the story and the conflicts that take place throughout the story. The story is specifically based off of when Rama is exiled into the jungle and is taken away from his family. We find later that Rama is eventually looked for later after Dasharatha passes away, as there needed to be someone to take his throne. This story, however, was the development part of when Rama was exiled, and this story itself can be developed into something like Samantha's father looking for her again after feeling apologetic.
Bibliography. "PDE Ramayana" from Rama: Retold from the Ramayana by Anant Pai. Web Source.
It may be nice to have a better idea of Samanthas age. I like the take you had on the story. It may be nice to have a little background on Samantha as well. We don't know why she is a bully or her relationship with her father. These would help the audience to understand/care for the main character a little more. I really love how you ended the story! It is dark and ambiguous and we are left not knowing how her father will react knowing it was his fault sense he kicked her out.
ReplyDeleteWow! I really enjoyed reading your story. From the introduction, I would have never have guessed that it would end up being a horror story. I thought you captured all of the elements of having a bad day; as they say when it rains it pours. I don't think you left out any vital information when it came to Samantha's backstory. There was plenty to get the gist of how her day, and life was going. I am impressed you were able to write a thriller in so few words. Keep up the good work!
ReplyDeleteSo she is dead? Interesting take on the story. I think I see what you intended with the dad trying to learn about his daughter and his actions. I think I saw the father of Rama as more sorrowful of having to send his son away. I think there is a lot of room for this story and potential with how the dad and the daughter could have been. Good luck with it!
ReplyDeleteWow...that was quite the story, with a good set up, a plot twist, and a very pointed cliff hanger ending. My head is really still kind of spinning, and it was really well written and organized!
ReplyDeleteI wonder about Samantha's backstory a little; did she always have a poor relationship with her father, or did he suddenly turn on her one day, more like Rama's father suddenly had a change of heart? And I DEFINITELY wanted to know more at the end, like did she actually die or did she manage to hide or fight off the bear, but it is heavily implied that she died while still leaving that uncertainty which makes the story really stick in your head.
What if there was just a tad bit more detail. What did the forest look like? What features made it more like a jungle than a forest? What did she do to set up camp? Those details and painting a picture would improve this already really solid story.